Heads up! Jesus is comin!

There is a crazy looking hobo walking up the street and in his shopping cart there is a giant wooden cross. This thing is erasily 8 feet tall! So, I wonder if the hobo has a little woodshop somewhere and crafted this cross? Or did he steal it from one of the local outdoor nativities? What does a hobo need with a giant cross?  Hmmmmmm. I think jesus might be mad about this one.

Hippies are dumb

Some 70 year old holier than thou hippie just started an argument with me because we don’t carry anarchy stuff. I explained that buying corporate made in china items with an anarchy symbol on them kinda defeats the idea and he should grab a sharpie and make his own. He didn’t get it and called me a facist before stamping out in a huff.

Today Blows

Today a friend I have not kept in touch with died.
He leaves behind a teenage daughter.

I have never kept up with my loved ones as often as I should.
Please forgive me and know that I care.

Haven’t you EVER seen an episode of CSI?

Here is the text from an ad that runs every week in our Free newspaper:

“NEED DENTAL WORK?
Excellent results at up to 2/3 the savings
Montana Dental Clinic
Juarez, Mexico
Free Transportation there and back.”

Are you fucking kidding me??
Let me tell you what that ad really says:

“NEED DENTAL WORK?
Get on a bus with money and a passport in your pocket and cross the border. We will put you in a dental chair, knock you out, and take your money and you identity.
Thanks, gringo!”

Happened in the Store Just now

Just about every week I have some kid come in and tell me endlessly about how cool he or she is. How many rock stars they know, how drunk they were last night, how no one is a punk as they.
This was new though.
Some kid just came in to brag about how incredibly punk he can pretend to be! Not even kidding.
He was trying to pick out some pins and wanted gutter punk bands (which we are admittedly low on). He then went on to tell me a REALLY long story about how he just made a movie in LA and he played a gutter punk. Well, apparently it went well and he is hoping for a spin off series buy ALAS! His costume was not his own and now he needs some gutter punk clothes for publicity shots. Turns out Free Radicals doesn’t carry COSTUMES and he was a bit overwhelmed by experience of having to pick his own attire (No I didn’t help him). He settled for some buttons and went on his gutter way…
Sigh

I’m not that interesting. Neither are you.

Been thinking about Twitter and other social networking devices lately, particularly as I’ve watched Myspace requests pile up in my inbox, and I’m kinda overwhelmed by apathy. I like people, and I find individual people’s stories compelling, but I rarely find individual people’s lives interesting on a day to day basis. I don’t really care what you had for breakfast, or whether or not you liked that movie that I’m not interested in. I’m sure you don’t care about my life on that level, either, and I’m sure we’re both the better for it. I completely don’t care what celebrities are doing, thinking, etc, and I’m repulsed by the amount of tv devoted to celebrity crap these days. I realize that all entertainment is distraction, that all of it is bread and circuses, but I swear there is a difference between Paris Hilton and Kevin Garnett. Kevin didn’t work to be tall, but everything else that he is famous for is the result of effort he expended. I respect that. I don’t respect people who were born rich, married rich, had a clown car’s worth of kids, etc. Again, objectively, my taste is certainly no better than other people’s, but from where I’m standing, so much of pop culture just sucks. And my life is certainly no more interesting than that of a useless celebrity. So why broadcast it? I guess I’m just saying: find your passion, pursue it whole-heartedly, but don’t expect that everyone around you will understand what you find interesting about it. And then we can all be friends, at a healthy distance. Here’s my example for this piece: Duke City Derby will hopefully resume its season within the next two months, our new skaters are struggling to overcome the experience edge the vets have, and I’m playing with the idea of trying to race the Frankenzombie Corpse-doba in Grants this summer. These things matter a great deal to me, and I could give tons more detail, but I suspect that most people who read this just skimmed the last sentence. Good decision. Go out and play now.

John

Spams are bad

I know that SPAM (the email, not the potted meat) is bad, bad, bad. Its sometimes full of virusey things that want to eat my computer. And sometimes its just stupid poor scamming. But I want to share with you my favorite SPAM ever. Seriously. This guy is fucking lunatic. Enjoy:

Dear Sir,

I have a full length tragedy movie script title: RANKLE: Jones The Golfer. It is a new idea, full of suspense and thrill. I need a production company and financial investment into this movie production as it will make a block buster.

Jones enjoy golf playing, hoping to be a professional golfer like Tiger Woods. Professional golfers play in golf field, ours play at home. No fucking son of a bitch will accept correction. The pride of what is yet to be is a destroyer.

It is traumatic to live with nutty breed of human, all in the name of family-hood. The traumatic experience of Ray over being alienated in the family of five (5) and his emotional disgust over his parents good moral negligence.

His erratic brother Jones gave him a blood bath, living his life-less body after which he was in oblivious state. Ray is cast away and also an object of mimic.

Hilda gave Ray a taste of love life which has been missing for years. I love you mum because you hate me. Cassandra my sister is no different from my mum Vera.

Jones finally golfed out daddy;s ‘’Kenny’’ breath, as he was left to his pool of blood. Jones life turn sour of no savvy as he committed suicide. Those that bury mines indiscriminately will one day fall victim to mine explosion.

There are golf scenes, fist fighting, snake scenes, club scenes, sex scenes, drug scenes, Police shoot out, gangstar, hovercraft, Apache helicopters and Belgian attack dogs.

The script is over 120 pages.

Thanks for finding time to read through. Only get back to me if you are ready for us to proceed with this viable movie production.
Best Regards.
PRODUCER

Why HAVEN’T we made this movie yet? Its genius!
nan

Georgia, it’s not just redneck over here

This morning CNN aired a press conference with Condi Rice and the president of Georgia. Now I understand that tanks smashing your towns must make for a fairly stressful week, but this guy was hilarious!
He just kept shouting over and over again “I told you this would happen! I told you all!” This tirade went on for easily half an hour. The press would ask questions like “What sort of message are you hoping the US will send to Russia?” and “How many of your citizens have been displaced?” and he would answer “I had to return from my vacation because of this” and “You wouldn’t believe me!” The guy had the gravitas of a used car salesman.
Condi
I was thinking how funny it would have been to see our hillbilly president hold a press conference with their car salesman president. But it was only funny for a moment. I suppose a tiny war-torn nation being lead by a car salesman is WAY better than a super power being led by the village idiot.

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